A long Diatribe and some updates

First, I must say, the Panthers are sucking so bad, it’s embarrassing. They are a train wreck. How bad is it? Legendary fan and media-whore VanMurph finally thew a fit over it and has jumped in with the rest of us who are saying what the fuck is wrong with this team?

You know, many of us have been suffering a long time. I’m a charter season ticket holder so I remember not only the bad times but even some of the good times. We did. after all, make it to the Stanley Cup finals, losing in one of the longest hockey games in history. (That story is the subject of my We Believe article.) Over the years me, and most of my long-suffering friends and brethren have become negative, bitter, cynical, and sarcastic with regards to the team. There’s really no other alternative — that’s how you end up.

Some of the newer fans have wondered why we long-suffering fans are like this. They are now experiencing first-hand what our years of dedication have proven. And it’s frustrating to watch your team have yet another collapse. We’ve seen these collapses through various coaches, GMs, and a whole slew of players. There’s only been one constant: Alan Cohen.

If I had one year to run this team, I’d make changes. I don’t think I could fix it in one year. Let me be blunt. The first one out the door would be Michael Yormark (I hope he’s reading this). He’s sold the soul of the team to the highest bidder. If you’re in our arena, you wouldn’t even know a hockey team played there. This has been mentioned to me time and time again. I could tell you about the banners that no longer grace our halls, the fact our building has almost nothing resembling team colours, and the whole arena is a paean to advertising. I get that you have to sell ads to make a team profitable, but this is a guy who has our own team’s logo on an ad in a urinal. When I have to piss, I have to piss on my OWN TEAM’S LOGO. He should be fired for that alone.

The players who don’t give a shit would be gone. Bye-bye Jay Bouwmeester, the most overrated player on our team this decade. You don’t care and neither do I. I’d rather take it up the arse than let you play another shift. The coach would be instructed to bench anyone who didn’t play, pretty much guaranteeing half the team would be sitting whilst call-ups would be on the ice. I’d rather lose a hard-fought hockey game than sit through the shite I’ve seen the past few weeks. Abhorrent at best.

I like DeBoer as a coach but he’s blowing it badly. From the Boynton fiasco to not playing Andy. It’s ugly. If he doesn’t correct the cranial-rectal inversion, he’s got to go too. And I don’t want him to go. I wonder if he’s under constraints from management?

The bottom line is VanMurph is a homer of the best — some might say worst — sort. A blindly loyal fan who overlooks almost anything. These are the sort of fans you need to make a team survive. Our team just lost him. That tells you how bad we are. I like VanMurph and what he brings to the game. If you can’t keep the fans like him, how are you going to keep people like me who’ve been living and breathing this team since our very first opening night. The worst thing is, the team is so damned blind to what’s happening, they don’t get it. Even our players see it. Don’t believe me? Ask ’em. I have. And not just the current batch, this goes back.


Also, I want to commend the Onion for their excellent spot on breast cancer awareness and what one brave pair of scouts is doing to help. Anyone who doesn’t get it and comments or emails me about this will be pilloried — you might wish to check what the Onion is about if you don’t know.

And special kudos to the fine lady who’s been stealing boob jobs. No, really. I am not making this up as Dave Barry would say. A serial ‘Boob-Job Bandit’ …. caught stealing cosmetic surgery procedures totalling more than £8,000. The 30-year-old blonde was tracked down by police using a serial number on her removed breast implants. Read more at Metro. I mean you all just are curious about this aren’t you?

Special kudos to the TV show Lost. Last night’s episode had their finest “A” game going on. The last few minutes with Sayid and Ben were some of the best dramatic moments I have ever seen on television. I don’t want to spoil it, but WOW. A perfect ten moment. I’ve been totally gobsmacked before and not seen something coming, then looked back and said “Yeah, I guess I did see that coming.” Not last night. Perfect episode. Even Heroes sucked less than usual this week.

And a random thing for a certain friend who’s a parent to be who is wrestling with a certain decision: read this.

Lastly, I had previously reported on the 12 year old boy who fathered a kid and was much publicized about it. He’s not the father according to a paternity test and some 15 year old kid is, though nearly a dozen teens claimed to have slept with the slag. That’s so much better

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