1. I would much prefer to be in the UK instead of the US at any given point in time, but there is one thing that the UK doesn't have that makes me very, very glad to be back. Water pressure when taking a shower. The UK has the weakest water pressure of anywhere I've been. They claim it's a water saving measure, but all it means is you're in the shower thrice as long just to get your hair wet enough to wash.
2. My home has central air conditioning, and part of that includes central heating. For the first time in six years, I turned it on today. Damn, it smelled really bad as the dust burnt off. I ran it for only an hour to take the chill off, but it was nice. I like the cold but sometimes you need a tad bit of warmth.

The second (and final) batch of London pictures are posted, BTW.

Right, then, I'm glad Christmas is over. Not my favourite time of year. First, it lasts too long, starting before Halloween now and it's infused with Christmas music. I abhor most of the music. Bah, humbug. MFC. All that stuff. It's become a commercial pile of dreck. I have nothing against the holiday for those who celebrate it for religious reasons and leave the commercialism out, nor do I have anything against it for those who celebrate it solely as a reason to be around friends and/or family. I don't even mind the exchanging of gifts, but I know for many families it's turned into a competition to outdo the others. Horeshit.

Speaking of said holiday, I do give gifts to a few people (a dwindling list every year as people are removed and not added). I don't much care if I get gifts in return and I don't ever expect anything in return other than an acknowledgement of receipt (not even a thank you). So is it wrong for me to be pissed when people I've shipped gifts to don't even acknowledge receiving something?

Now that we're getting "full body" scanners at the airports, there are many concerns about privacy. Me, I don't care so much if someone sees an x-ray style image of me in relative anonymity. The TSA claims This state-of-the-art technology cannot store, print, transmit or save the image. In fact, all machines are delivered to airports with these functions disabled…Each image is automatically deleted from the system after it is cleared by the remotely located security officer. but quite honestly, I just don't believe them. But as long as my name isn't associated with my picture I don't care. But the real question is: are they harmful? Cnet tries to find out both answers in the article posted today. Worth a read.

The best, cutest, kitty video of all time is this one. Best sixteen seconds of your life ever. Except for the part where you'll watch it a dozen times because it's so cute. The audio can be muted when it becomes irritating :)

And thanks to Stevenson for the winner of the 2004 Mother Of The Year Award.

Also, corporate pages on FaceBook now have the ability to create names. Of course, Facebook still has a problem with the word screw so instead we're at http://www.facebook.com/isc1956 (1956 being the year we incorporated). Please follow us on Facebook and/or Twitter.

Shout out to Josh because I want to. And my evil twin Dan. And Prudence in case she's decided to use the internet.

That's the record of their visit. It's probably Mister Price, but I don't care. I just thought the polite thing to do would be to say hello., or maybe to piss off. One of the two. Please note WRF, I could be petty and block your static IP address give you the distinction of becoming only the second IP banned from my domain, but you're not worth the time. But, if you need friends, I'd like to introduce you to Kenny Hill and Michael Yormark. I'm done with you for today so you can stop reading.

Courtesy of Suzie-Q we have "God Hates Protesters" a very humorous blog. I encourage you to read it. This shot particularly took my fancy:

Please click on it and visit. It's good for a laugh or ten. Right up there with Lamebook, which I have previously mentioned. Another funny site is FML — one of today's was especially good: Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

Tomorrow is a very, very long day. I hope it's as fun as it appears to be. Dinner, Hockey, and RHPS with friends. Yay. In unrelated news, the BA strike has been postponed courtesy of a court order and parts of the tube are not running because it's snowing in London. Mid 20s and cold and wet. Joy, joy, joy.

The Blu-Ray consortium has released a final specification for 3D Blu-Ray discs using the H.264 codec so a 3D film only requires 50% more space instead of double the space. It is backwards compatible with the current 2D specification.

People come up to me sometimes, including last game, and say they read my blog posts, Facebook notes, and message board posts (the real board, not the new official disaster they try to pass off as a message board) and totally agree. To those people I say, stop being silent. Write a blog and say what you feel. E-mail or fax management. Post on my message board (or the official one). Link to the complaints of your fellow fans. At some point they're going to have to realize we're not a small group. Guys, today they said they're working on the marketing plan for next year's renewal package. I ask you: don't they have more critical things to worry about than renewal packages? (I am not making this up. Indeed, this is true. See today's message board post entitled STAB.) Your silence is self-defeating. Speak up for God's sake. Enough of this for today.

Sue asks, "Are you planning to try Google Chrome? If so, I'll wait for your review." I answered her and realized maybe some of you might care: I've been using it for damn near 8 weeks — since 6 October 2009, in fact. It's slow, stalling for no reason at all. It's very clunky, and I dislike the alien user interface a great deal. On the Mac, at least, it's not ready for prime time. Try it and see if you don't believe me. But these claims of "speed" — it must be on sites that I don't visit, because outside of Google.com it's worthless. Sorry, Google, I love you, but Chrome is a fail.

While I'd love to vote with my wallet like most people, I have to vote in a way that lets me sleep at night. That tends to rule out a lot of people who'd protect my wallet at the expense of people who don't deserve to have people treat them as sub-human. When I wasn't sure who I thought should be president, I was seriously considering McCain because he's a pretty moderate Republican. Then he picked Sarah Palin: the soulless bitch from hell. Yeah, I don't like her. If there was an election between Bush and Palin, I'd vote for Bush. That's how much I dislike her. She makes him look like a Rhodes scholar, and he's an idiot. I mean that literally. He's stupid. Dumb. I'm calling him names. Palin, she's worse. I will thank the person who sent me this link which reinforces everything I think about this abomination named Sarah Palin. Read it, watch the videos, and then tell me why you think she should be in politics. There are plenty of good Republicans — she's just not one of them.

Speaking of the GOP, we have an article here about what some of them do in their spare time. Missouri House Speaker Rod Jetton is facing assault charges for allegedly beating the shit out of his mistress while having sex. His ladyfriend had not uttered the “safe word,” probably because Jetton was beating her unconscious. That's just sad.

I continue to laugh at lamebook — which posts real Facebook entries that are just hysterical and/or scary. If you want LOL go visit. The first sign of the apocalypse is when I use SMS speak in a post.

Once all that was done, I went to our key sites (webmail, etc) and configured that. Then I set a user password for my account. As a company laptop, others can use it as well. However since we've got wireless at work more and more employees are bringing their personal laptops in which will probably reduce the demand. A side effect of that, is our network is really slowing down with the traffic.

Some cool new (yet old) pictures were put up on Flickr earlier today. My eyesight is officially shot and I need glasses to read anything now and even with them, sometimes I need a magnifying glass. Not fun.

I got a rare visit at work from a friend. Jason who I don't see very often (the one from high school and not the other two I know) came by and we went to the Hitchin' Post for lunch. Nice visit and glad we did it.

In more amusing news (thanks Razzie), Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger of California has officially dropped the "F" bomb in Official correspondence to the State Assembly, only he did it very sneakily. I'm proud of him for being petty.  The first URL is Wired, a reputable source. They got it from another reputable source, the Bay Guardian. The comments at the second URL worth it. But the ultimate fact check is the real letter is here on the State's own website. I am amused because they had it coming, but not so amused because it was an important bill. Then again, all politicians are suspect, n'est ce pas?

Another amusing piece comes from J. Carney who shared this Mental Floss link which is about eight things Disney has banned some of which you might not suspect. Under it are more links and the WalMart one is also worth a follow.

Over on my message board, we're rapidly closing in on the collection for the Yormark 666 jersey. You can read, but only members can post.

I skipped dinner, instead opting to eat half of my semi-furry raspberries and throwing the nasty ones away. I had some grapes too.

In other news, I found out the Oakland Bay Bridge has been closed since Tuesday after a repair failed. Not mentioned in the news or anything. I'm shocked because, well, I pay attention to Bay Area news. On the plus side, BART has blown away their ridership records.

Special shout outs to Jace who's feeling down, and Erin too.

Some new Flickr photos are available today.

Work was more Nucor stuff. More phone calls. I also got a call from the US Department of Commerce. That was fun and educational. There was a small technical error with my filing which I had to correct and re-submit, which is being done Monday morning. Apparently you need six copies filed and if you don't, they won't make the copies for you. They also don't tell you that you need six copies until after you file — hell, they don't even tell you how to file an objection. I guess most people use overpriced lawyers. Anyway, I am resending the complaint — and fixing a few typos — as well as sending a copy to the attorney of record for Nucor, this they assure me will put our complaint in the thick of things at will be come part of this case for everyone to see, forever. If your company uses bolts or nuts, you really need to file a complaint or you will be paying a lot more for your fasteners. Write me at work and I'll explain what you need to do. I've helped a few dozen companies already and hope the follow through. I'll probably work on an official corporate statement which we haven't done yet, but as this gathers steam, it looks like we should. All my local competitors have sent in letters — I personally called them and even though we often hate each other, they realize this is banding together in this one instance for the greater good.

Came home and upgraded VMWare Fusion (my PC emulator for my Mac) and ran it only to find out that my emulated PC drive is gone. It was, apparently, lost when my HD crashed a month or two ago. I didn't even realize it until today. It's been re-installing Windows for damn near two hours. Blech.

Fran sent me this. Normally this might have gone out on my jokes list, but I decided to blog it instead. To make it easy to read, I've reformatted it and put it in purple.

How Gubmint Works (thanks, Fran)

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrapyard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."  So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people — one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people — one to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people to fill them.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one Year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

Now slowly let it sink in. Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter. Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the US Department of Energy during the Carter Administration? (see fact check note below)

Anybody? Anything? No? Didn't think so! Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember. Ready?  It was very simple and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8-04-1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. Hey, pretty efficient, huh?

And now, it's 2009 — 32 years later — and the budget for this "necessary" department is at $24.2 billion a year. They have 16,000 federal employees and approximately 100,000 contract employees; and look at the job they have done! This is where you slap your forehead and say, "what was i thinking?"

Ah, yes — good ol' bureaucracy! And, now, we are going to turn the banking system, health care. and the auto industry over to the same government?

FACT CHECK:  the US DOE has as one of its missions to dramatically accelerate research on domestically available fuels that will diversify the Nation’s use of energy sources and help reduce America’s dependence on foreign resources. That quote is from the US DOE website. So this article's premise is reasonable if not entirely accurate. Not only is it funny, it's political humour and commentary all rolled into one.

Delta and Continental are still being poopy-heads and won't give me my stupid 257 frequent flyer miles for a CO flight I took to MCO. I gave CO my DL number — they were partners on the date of the flight — and it appears on my paperwork. DL won't give me the miles because they didn't get the information and they lost what I sent. CO says they can't give me the miles because they were sent to DL. Mind you, it's not the miles: it's the principle of the matter. I hate airlines.

I heard from Timmy today for the first time in months. I'm going try and see him soon. Must sleep but am afraid to try.

I get 81% of my search engine hits from Google.
I get 12% from Yahoo.
I get 3% from AltaVista
That's 96% there from my top three search engine sources.

MSN.com gets me 1.3%
Live.com gets me .9%
Bing.com gets me .04%
Total for all Microsoft Search Engines: 2.6% of my total.

Now if you're on the internet searching for how to perform a circumcision on yourself and end up at my blog, how valuable is that search engine? I can assure you that by carefully following the instructions in my blog, nothing will happen to your penis. Because in my blog, there are no instructions involving your penis. Unless your penis happens to be a computer, or perhaps a hockey team. I have instructions on computer issues and a few on hockey teams too, though I'm not sure they have much relation to your penis (if you are a girl reading this, you don't have a penis and if you do, you should be on Jerry Springer when he does a Chicks With Dicks segment.)

Once I did make a post about Daniel Radcliffe's penis. Yes, much was made of the Harry Potter star's naked performance in Equus. I commented on the brouhaha, but I've not seen the play, nor do I intend to. I think everyone realizes I have no desire to see his penis. Or circumcise it. Maybe it's been done already. You'd have to ask bing.com :D

So back to the stats. As I write this I have 228,000 hits. That's 5,928 hits from all sites in the MS group assuming all blog hits come from search engines — which they don't; only 78% of my traffic comes from search engines, and 21% from websites. The popularity of your search engine is based on the quality of your results. If you're looking for certain topics (try Led Zeppelin Sucks) my blog should rank first in your engine and at Google it does. Number one, Baby. I made a comment (and I didn't say they sucked but it was a catchy title) and now I've got tons of discussion and over 200 comments.

I should be at the top of your search engine if you're looking for the Panthers Hockey Message Boards. There's lots of places this blog should show up. But when you're searching for Do It Yourself Circumcision this blog should not appear. (For the record in July 2006 I wrote three sentences on a kit that Razzie sent me but that doesn't constitute a discussion.)

The irony is, that by discussing it, I'm going to move up in the page rank. FML :)

Shout outs to Paul for talking to me about things, Erin for making me post this, and happy early Father's day to all the Dads out there.

I didn't want to see the new Where The Wild Things Are film when I first heard about it because I didn't want to see yet another childhood memory destroyed by Hollywood. I cannot wait to see this film after seeing the trailer. This is an amazing trailer. I think this may be another LOTR quality telling of a story. I've actually got my hopes up now.

I've also attacked another spammer:

Dear Registrar:

Your user is repeatedly spamming us. She and I have had contact before and she has promised to cease and desist. Here authentic headers are below. It is my polite suggestion you terminate her account with extreme prejudice and ban her. I certify we have never done business with, requested information form, or had any desire to even hear from her. Spam is the bane of the online community and this "lady" just doesn't get it and won't stop. Your assistance in making her go away (and her banishment from the planet might be nice) would be deeply appreciated.

Sometimes when especially peeved as I am right now, I publish these spam-removal requests on my blog. The ISP and registrar's response will be duly noted if you so desire. I allow up to 24 hours before posting to allow time for your actions to be noted.

Thanks,
Eric


Return-path:
Delivery-date: Thu, 26 Mar 2009 08:06:48 -0700
Received: from 241-80.delaware.net ([66.173.241.80]:42603 helo=venus.delaware.net)
by REDACTED with esmtps (TLSv1:AES256-SHA:256)
(Exim 4.69)
(envelope-from )
id 1LmrAM-00081O-9z
for REDACTED; Thu, 26 Mar 2009 08:06:48 -0700
Received: (qmail 15431 invoked from network); 26 Mar 2009 11:03:27 -0400
Received: from mail.abna.us (HELO JENN) (70.91.152.105)
by admin.forumdrop.net with SMTP; 26 Mar 2009 11:03:27 -0400
From: "Jennifer Stacey"
To:
Subject: Past Due Accounts
Date: Thu, 26 Mar 2009 11:03:25 -0400
Message-ID: >
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/alternative;
boundary="—-=_NextPart_000_0842_01C9AE02.7C1EF120"
X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 12.0
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Content-Language: en-us
Disposition-Notification-To: "Jennifer Stacey"
From: Jennifer Stacey [mailto:jstacey@abna.us]
Sent: Thursday, March 26, 2009 11:03
To: REDACTED
Subject: Past Due Accounts

Answer The Following Five Questions pertaining to Your Company

(Spam Redacted — why are female spammers worse than male spammers?)

Have An Amazing Day!
Jennifer Stacey
Domestic/International New Client Development
ABNA International
95 Wolf Creek Blvd
Dover De 19963
001-302-883-8564
jstacey@abna.us

This is a solicitation of services on behalf of ABNA Intl by Jennifer Stacey. If you feel that you have your receivables under key and no one is showing any of the red flag signals above, simply respond Unsubscribe and you will be taking off my list. HOWEVER please keep my information handy in case a “problem child account” pops up! As always I wish you continued success and an amazing day! Simply respond unsubscribe in the subject line along with your email address to jstacey@abna.us !

I have not, for the record, heard from any of the people I complained to. This will be escalated. I despise spammers, though why I believed her the first time when she said she'd fix it. I do give her credit for having REAL contact information and for actually answering her emails. I don't hate her company any less for it.

You know, many of us have been suffering a long time. I'm a charter season ticket holder so I remember not only the bad times but even some of the good times. We did. after all, make it to the Stanley Cup finals, losing in one of the longest hockey games in history. (That story is the subject of my We Believe article.) Over the years me, and most of my long-suffering friends and brethren have become negative, bitter, cynical, and sarcastic with regards to the team. There's really no other alternative — that's how you end up.

Some of the newer fans have wondered why we long-suffering fans are like this. They are now experiencing first hand what our years of dedication have proven. And it's frustrating to watch your team have yet another collapse. We've seen these collapses through various coaches, GMs, and a whole slew of players. There's only been one constant: Alan Cohen.

If I had one year to run this team, I'd make changes. I don't think I could fix it in one year. Let me be blunt. The first one out the door would be Michael Yormark (I hope he's reading this). He's sold the soul of the team to the highest bidder. If you're in our arena, you wouldn't even know a hockey team played there. This has been mentioned to me time and time again. I could tell you about the banners that no longer grace our halls, the fact our building has almost nothing resembling team colours, and the whole arena is a paean to advertising. I get that you have to sell ads to make a team profitable, but this is a guy who has our own team's logo on an ad in a urinal. When I have to piss, I have to piss on my OWN TEAM'S LOGO. He should be fired for that alone.

The players who don't give a shit would be gone. Bye-bye Jay Bouwmeester, the most overrated player on our team this decade. You don't care and neither do I. I'd rather take it up the arse than let you play another shift. The coach would be instructed to bench anyone who didn't play, pretty much guaranteeing half the team would be sitting whilst call-ups would be on the ice. I'd rather lose a hard-fought hockey game than sit through the shite I've seen the past few weeks. Abhorrent at best.

I like DeBoer as a coach but he's blowing it badly. From the Boynton fiasco to not playing Andy. It's ugly. If he doesn't correct the cranial-rectal inversion, he's got to go too. And I don't want him to go. I wonder if he's under constraints from management?

The bottom line is VanMurph is a homer of the best — some might say worst — sort. A blindly loyal fan who overlooks almost anything. These are the sort of fans you need to make a team survive. Our team just lost him. That tells you how bad we are. I like VanMurph and what he brings to the game. If you can't keep the fans like him, how are you going to keep people like me who've been living and breathing this team since our very first opening night. The worst thing is, the team is so damned blind to what's happening, they don't get it. Even our players see it. Don't believe me? Ask 'em. I have. And not just the current batch, this goes back.

Also, I want to commend the Onion for their excellent spot on breast cancer awareness and what one brave pair of scouts is doing to help. Anyone who doesn't get it and comments or emails me about this will be pilloried — you might wish to check what the Onion is about if you don't know.

And special kudos to the fine lady who's been stealing boob jobs. No, really. I am not making this up as Dave Barry would say. A serial 'Boob-Job Bandit' …. caught stealing cosmetic surgery procedures totalling more than £8,000. The 30-year-old blonde was tracked down by police using a serial number on her removed breast implants. Read more at Metro. I mean you all just are curious about this aren't you?

Special kudos to the TV show Lost. Last night's episode had their finest "A" game going on. The last few minutes with Sayid and Ben were some of the best dramatic moments I have ever seen on television. I don't want to spoil it, but WOW. A perfect ten moment. I've been totally gobsmacked before and not seen something coming, then looked back and said "Yeah, I guess I did see that coming." Not last night. Perfect episode. Even Heroes sucked less than usual this week.

And a random thing for a certain friend who's a parent to be who is wrestling with a certain decision: read this.

Lastly, I had previous reported on the 12 year old boy who fathered a kid and was much publicized about it. He's not the father according to a paternity test and some 15 year old kid is, though nearly a dozen teens claimed to have slept with the slag. That's so much better. Not.

1. Anyone who wants to president must, by definition, be an idiot
2. You have to listen to people
3. The pay sucks
4. Who wants to go through the election process? I'd rather be anally assaulted by a herd of zebras than go through what our candidates go through. (And, Jose, that is not a clue for you to plan such assault you perverted bastard)

But, if you all can arrange to have me appointed dictator for life, I will certainly fix everything that is wrong with this country in short order. However, I won't leave the position. As your benevolent dictator I will:

1. Ban the private ownership of all automatic weapons.
2. Ban pennies because they piss me off
3. English will be the official language of the United States (you know what they speak in England, not this American language we speak here)
4. All Americans will be required to speak two languages fluently to graduate from high school
5. If you do not graduate from high school, you will be required to spend a four year stint in the armed forces (a division of your choosing)
6. To be a citizen you have to speak the language well enough to pass the test
7. All CEO's of PUBLIC companies shall see their salaries tied to company performance. If you're a private company, do whatever you want.
8. You do NOT have a right to a Driver's License. It's a privilege. You have to pass a written test and skills test. (Administered in English.)
9. Felons do not get to vote ever again
10. Lawyers will not be allowed to advertise except in the phone book and on their website
11. Doctors will not be allowed to advertise except in the phone book and on their website
12. A company is more than welcome to outsource jobs. They do not get any tax breaks as long as their jobs are outsourced.
13. Gas prices will be regulated to the price of a barrel of oil. If the price goes up 5% then the pump price cannot go up more than 5%. If it goes down 5%, then the pump price must go down an equal amount. So once a station determines its profit margin, the price of gas will be consistent all year. Once a year they will be able to change their profit margin on gas which will remain tied for another year
14. Income tax for citizens will be mandatory if you make above the Poverty Line. If you make below, no tax. There will be a flat tax on all citizens regardless of income. There will be deductions allowed for medical and educational expenses plus taxes paid to your local taxing authority. No other deductions. Period.
15. Corporations that turn a profit have to pay tax. The end. Deductions? There will be some but they will all be tied to funds spent to better their employees. (And of course taxes paid to your local taxing authority). No other deductions. Public companies will be required to post their tax returns on their websites.
16. Gay marriage will be allowed. Get over it. If you think it's wrong, please kill yourself and make the planet a better place. There are far more important things to worry about.
17. Abortions will be allowed with the consent of BOTH parents (where applicable but not required in the case of rape/incest or obvious medical condition of said baby).
18. Car companies will be required to have each model year get 2MPG on average better than the year before. If not, they are taxed at double their normal tax rate. Same for emissions. Emission rates must improve every year.
19. Oil companies profits will be capped at a fixed percentage. Monies over that will be forfeit to the government.
20. There will be mandatory basic health care for all. The plan will suck much like all socialized medicine. But if you're really sick, you can get help. Private health plans will still be encouraged.
21. Every student who gets above a certain score on his/her SAT will be allowed to go to college and get a student loan to pay for it. As long as they maintain a C or better average, the loan renews. If the student stops going or flunks out, they loan is immediately due and payments must begin. (Medical excuses allowed). If you graduate, you have a 5 year grace period. (This is for undergraduate. The plan doesn't pay for graduate studies.)
22. There will be no prayer in school. A moment of silence if ine.
23. School uniforms in public schools are banned
24. School vouchers are prohibited. If you don't like it, pay your own kid's way. This will not be tax deductible.
25. If you are hurt whilst committing a crime, you don't get to sue. That's silly. Your civil rights are waived once you are convicted of a crime.
26. Jury Duty is still required. However all people on the unemployment rolls are required to serve as jurors once per month. Only after this is exhausted will employed citizens be called to duty. No citizen may be called more than once every two years. And your employer will pay you for up to two weeks after which your salary is covered by the government.
27. While there are jobs open, no matter how unpleasant, that you are qualified to do, you cannot collect. So if you find it beneath you to work at McDonalds flipping burgers, that is your choice. You are not eligible for unemployment.
28. The speed limit will be abolished in areas with a low population density and only on limited access highways. (Road safety may limit area in which this is applied.)
29. There will be a national ID card. It will serve as an ID, driver's license, voter's registration card, social security card, and so forth. No matter where you are, big brother will know all about you. It's the only thing you'll ever need except a passport. You have to get one — you can't get a job without one.
30. All high school students will required to complete 50 hours of community service to graduate.
31. You don't have to wear a seat belt or helmet if you don't want to. But your kids do.
32. The age of majority is 18 for all things
33. Smoking will be banned except in your home or car. All regulations on cigarettes will be moved so you can kill yourself faster.
34. Your bank will pay interest on all accounts. This will be tied to the rate at which they loan money. They will be allowed a spread between the two so they can be profitable. It can be whatever they want. But once it's fixed, it's fixed. They can only change the spread once every five years.
35. Spam will be illegal (email, fax, phone, etcetera). All spammers will be put in jail. With horny fat guys who haven't seen a woman in five years. The doors will be locked, the guards will leave and go see a movie. Maybe a double feature.
36. Sales tax is not a bad thing. It's not a good thing. Because so many states get trouble because of internet sales, there will an Internet Sales Tax. A flat 5% and it will go half to the state and half to the federal government. No other sales tax will apply.
37. ATM fees will be capped at a sane and rational rate.
38. Internet access will be censorship free. All those blocks on those Usenet groups and various sites imposed by the ISP will be removed. Censorship will be at the discretion of the user and installed on their computer.
39. Bandwidth throttling is illegal. Unlimited means unlimited. Raise the rates or have multiple plans.
40. The NHL will be the official sport of the land. And the NFL will be the backup sport. NASCAR will not be banned as much as I'd like to, but I will repeatedly make fun of it and compare it unfavourably with WWE wrestling. A disclaimer will be required on all WWE matches "This shit ain't real, y'all."
41. SMS Speak will be disallowed except on telephones where it belongs. Anyone who types How RU? in an email will be deported.
42. Anyone who forwards ch
    ain emails will be mocked on the nightly news. If an email says "share me with 10 friends" your ISP will notify the authorities immediately.

There's more but I thought I'd start making my case so my minions can overthrow the government and install me as soon as possible.

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I last saw George Carlin in November 2006 (I believe) at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada. George, in his last few years was a much angrier person. But he was still funny, though sometimes it was an uncomfortable funny like watching Ricky Gervais on The Office. And sometimes he just veered off into commentary that made no attempt to be funny. But it was a good show, a thinking man's show.

Carlin constantly eviscerated the accepted boundaries of comedy and language, being in the league of the legendary Richard Pryor, especially with his famous routine on the "Seven Words" — all of which are taboo on broadcast TV to this day. He said, "And words, you know the seven don't you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war." You can read the whole routine in this article.

"So my name is a footnote in American legal history, which I'm perversely kind of proud of," Carlin told The Associated Press earlier this year.

RIP George

I thought I'd leave you with a little routine.