Book of Horrible Questions

The actual link to the Book of Horrible Questions at Amazon which I discuss here:

This book is not suitable for minors and contains graphic and sexually explicit material — though none is included in this post.

This is from Book of Horrible Questions (ISBN 0-312-20434-5) by Smith and Doe. I highly recommend this book because you can learn a great deal about your friends.

The rules are simple: “The key to your success in using this book is the degree of total honesty with which you answer the questions. Take each question seriously. Imagine the amounts of money you will make or give up as really belonging to you. Imagine the often painful discomforts described herein as actually happening to you (… or the poor sap you sacrifice…)”

Remember: NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW YOUR ANSWER (unless you chose to share)


These randomly selected questions are from various pages of this book.

  1. $10,000,000: If you accept this money you will die of natural causes on your birthday at age 70. You won’t live a day longer than that and you will die in your sleep, peacefully, guaranteed.

  2. $5,000,000: Same as above, except you’ll live to be 75.

  3. $1,000,000: Same as above, except you’ll live to be 80.

  4. $100,000,000. You will die at age 100, but it will be a hideously painful, long (two straight days) and tortuous death.

  5. $7,500,000 Your mate will be kidnapped and held like the kid in Ransom (a filthy bed and only the most basic of foods) FOR ONE YEAR. There is a guarantee of no physical harm as well as no sexual contact. When the year is up, YOU will rescue the mate that you profitably condemned and reap all of the loving benefits of doing so. No one will ever know you had anything to do with it, and you just made 7.5 million, although you risk the chance that he/she may suffer some degree of recurring trauma (ie: waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, screaming).

  6. $100,000: A funeral is taking place. You do not know anyone at the funeral, or anyone involved with it. As a family member is making their heartfelt, teary speech, you must run into the midst of the crowd and yell “I’M GLAD HE’S DEAD! HA HA HA HA HA!” and then run away.

  7. $250,000: Think of the most physically repugnant person you know. Say their name aloud. Now, to get paid, you must let that person squat above you and release a large helping of diarrhoea on to your chest. You must then wait for five minutes, breathing only through your nose. Then, you may get up, get showered, and get paid.

  8. $500,000: Same as above, except a good portion of the diarrhoea will splatter on to your face.

  9. $750,000: Same as above except the person has just returned from an all you can eat corn and nut eating contest.

  10. $5,000,000: WOMEN ONLY: You will never be able to have a child, but you may adopt.

  11. $10,000,000: WOMEN ONLY: You must give up your firstborn child for adoption. Double the amount if you keep it for a year first.

  12. $5,000,000: MEN ONLY: You will never be able to have a child, but you may adopt.

  13. $50,000: MEN ONLY: You must give up your firstborn child for adoption.

  14. $500,000: A human pancreas is put on a plate in front of you. You must eat it. When it’s gone, you get paid.

  15. $750,000. Same as above except it’s a two-foot section of a large intestine. (Double if the offer if it’s uncleaned)

    Here are some of my answers
  16. 7% said Yes
  17. 8% said Yes (CMOT also says Yes)
  18. 54% said Yes
  19. 46% said yes (CMOT thinks they’re insane)
  20. 48% said yes
  21. 85% said Yes (CMOT says NO)
  22. 77% said yes (CMOT NO)
  23. 38% said yes (CMOT NO)
  24. 38% said yes (CMOT NO)
  25. 50% said yes
  26. 0% *said yes
  27. 45% said yes (CMOT YES)
  28. 9% said yes
  29. 69% said yes

38% said yes

This is the only question in the book which not one single person said yes. It says a great deal about people’s standards that at least one person said yes to every other question in the book, some of which are so morally repugnant I can’t even begin to tell you.

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