This is an old, old, old joke from my Boy Scout days.
Two friends-for-life, Bob and Jack, lost touch with each other during boy scouts when one moved away. By chance, they ended up in the same college.
They decide to go camping for old-time’s sake and to renew their friendship. On the appointed morning they drive into the mountains, park their Jeep, and walk down a trail. Not long after, they pass a ranger station, but they keep going.
Pretty soon they’re miles from anything and anyone. They see the ideal place to set up camp and proceed to do pitch the tent and dig a campfire ditch.
Bob says, “Jack, I really gotta’ take a whizz. Be right back,” and heads off to the edge of the clearing. Bob starts to do his business.
Suddenly Jack hears Bob let loose with a really loud scream and runs over. “What happened, Bob?”
I was taking a whizz and a snake fell out of the tree and bit me on the end of my dick.”
“Oh, man! That’s terrible.” Jack whips out his mobile phone to call for help, but there is no signal because they’re too far away. Being ex-boy scouts, he knew that having Bobby walk back to the ranger station could kill him by making the venom flow faster though his blood stream. “I’m going to go to the ranger station and get help. You lie down and don’t move.”
Jack runs as fast as he can back to the ranger station, but it still takes him nearly an hour. He beats on the door but nobody’s there. He goes around back and breaks a window, hoping to find a phone inside. It’s Jack (and Bob’s) lucky day, for there is a phone. He picks it up and is almost instantly connected to a park ranger. He explains the situation.
“Sir, that sounds really bad. Can you describe the snake?”
Jack describes it.
“Oh, that’s REALLY bad. The fastest we can be there is two hours because we’re on the other side of the park. Your friend doesn’t have that long. You gotta’ cut a small slit where the snake bit him, suck out the venom and spit it out. We’re on our way as fast as we can.”
“I gotta’ do what? I gotta suck what?” Jack gives the ranger directions, then heads back to camp where he sees Bob, who isn’t looking too good now.
“I’m sorry Bob, I’ve got bad news.”¨
“What?”
“The ranger says you’re going to die.
Okay, so that’s the joke. It’s old, it’s funny, and you’ve probably heard it before in some form or another.
Now, here’s a test question for those of you guys brave enough to answer publicly. If it was your best male friend, would he live or die? (I will not approve anonymous posts. You gotta use your real name if you reply to this one.)