I am using the word hubris only because Murphy used it in his recent blog entry. It’s an unusual word and if he can use hockey and hubris in a blog post, so can I. I am going to talk about hockey as it turns out.
EASTERN CONFERENCE (NHL: National Hockey League)
These are based on statistics as of the close of business Tuesday, 26 Jan 2010
- Capitals 74
- New Jersey 69
- Pittsburgh 67
- Buffalo 67
- Ottawa 62
- Flyers 55
- Rangers 55
- Panthers 55
- Canadiens 55
- Bruins 54
- Thrashers 54
- Isles 54
- Lightning 52
- Leafs 44
- Hurricanes 39
If the playoffs were held right now, my team, the Florida Panthers, would be in it. Yay, team! Had they lost last night against the Canadiens, we’d have been in 13th place instead of 8th place — eighth being the final playoff position. That tells you how close the standings are. The Panthers are in a four-way tie for 55 points (tiebreakers control the order teams are listed) and there are three more teams just one point behind us. That’s a total of six teams that can win today or tomorrow and be ahead of us in the standings. Further, tonight, if the Lightning versus the Canadiens game is won by the Bolts, they’ll be in that second group with fifty-four points, adding a seventh team to the mix.
Hockey Point System For Non-Fans: If you’re not a hockey fan, a regulation win gets you two points. So if you have 54 points, win a game, you have 56 points. If you go into overtime, you get one point — something that is really fucking stupid — even if you lose the game. Ties were abolished in favour of a shootout — proving the NHL could fuck up a wet dream. But, I digress.
The saving grace is no matter what happens this season, we’ll not finish in the final two spots (14 and 15) because we’re better than that. And we’re only a seven points out of fifth place and five points out of thirteenth place — that may be a record for tight grouping nearly two-thirds of the way into the season. All this assumes nobody in front of us wins which is an absurdist condition. Our divisional record is an abysmal
6-7-2*. To avoid sounding like a Pollyanna here, I must point out the only
reason the Panthers doing so well there are seven teams (basically half of the conference) within two points of us.
(A brief word on the West: if you take out the anaemic Oilers pretty much every team in the Western Conference would rank at or higher than the Panthers. Even Minnesota, which is the subject of ridicule, has 54 points to keep it all in perspective.)
The Panthers are a team that has huge potential. But we’re not using it. Our destiny is in our hands. We stand on the brink of a golden opportunity for the future that lies before us or on the brink of a chasm from which we may spend a decade returning. This lies within the hands of the players themselves. It’s not coaching (DeBoer is a good coach), it’s not ownership (hmph), it’s not the referees’ fault (they suck anyway), and it’s not even the fan base’s fault (speaking of sucky fans welcome to Sports Hell).
The Panthers have made their bed with some spectacularly bad collapses, lazy efforts, and all around suckitude, and let’s be clear: I’m not happy where we are. So many blown games are the primary reason we’re not a top point team. But that’s the difference: good teams don’t consistently blow multi-point leads.
We beat Toronto a few nights ago because Toronto sucks worse than we do. But it wasn’t an enjoyable game to watch. It was like watching you play your lazy older brother who wasn’t really even trying. Our effort had we played a better team would not have resulted in a win. Let’s not even mention the goalie, Tomas Vokun: he’s the only reason we’re not behind Carolina sucking up last place.
Honestly, it all comes down to consistency. That’s not something you can coach. That’s something you do as a team. Which road will the team take? History is not on our side, but I hope (HAH!) this is the year we take our own destiny into our hands. This differentiates the bad, the average, the good, and the great teams. It shows your character. The Panthers have a date with destiny. The question is, will the Panthers show up?
To quickly change the subject, this video is a riot. We have the TSA and now Rick Mercer has this security video mocking(?) Transport Canada’s security:
It’s a short video and well worth your time if you need a good laugh at the expense of airline ‘security’.
Next up, I must mock the iPad. I love Apple. I am a Mac-head. The iPad, when I first heard the name some time ago, is poorly named. I assumed it must have been a joke. I mean, seriously, why would you name a product after a feminine hygiene product? I thought my amusing comment was original but apparently many people besides myself got the same wrong idea. This (thanks FailBlog) is what happens when people are afraid to stand up to Steve Jobs:
[PIC]
Let me be honest. When I heard they were coming out with a feminine hygiene product tablet, I was sure they’d call it the iSlate. A great name, conveys what it is, and there’s far less room for rude product names. Or maybe even the iTablet. But no: we have the iPad. The worst product name Apple’s ever come out with.
The iPad is well designed from all appearances, meeting Apple’s awesome visual standards. It’s easy to use because everything Apple does is easy to use. I will admit that I have no idea why this product exists. I don’t know who the market is outside of the geek set who will want it because it’s new and cool. I love technology, but I really do need it to serve some sort of purpose. I love books but I don’t want an e-reader. I don’t have a Kindle and this doesn’t make me want one. It’s a computer of sorts — but with limited functionality — and quite frankly, I’d rather have a laptop. Add a touch screen to a laptop or netbook and that’s what this is. What is the revolution? Why does iPad exist? Listen, can we just call it iTampon because Steve Jobs apparently was having his period when this was designed? Would that offend anyone? No? Good.
A little bit of news on Avatar. It has officially become the highest grossing film ever, passing Titanic, a record nobody thought was beatable. The news article is here. Only I’m sure you’ll all remember a few days ago in my blog I pointed out how that the real champion remains Gone With The Wind. The article, happily, acknowledges that. Earning $189 million when tickets are averaging a dime is far more impressive than earning $1.3 billion when tickets are averaging $15 per admission. Avatar still impresses at equalized dollars, but it’s at 26 on the all-time list by that standard. I have nothing against Avatar and enjoyed it (see review elsewhere in this blog), but it’s being made to be bigger than it really is. Seriously, use the equalizer link to see how movies really rate (2009 domestic dollar version).
Lastly, I mentioned Dean before. I have been officially Simpsonized by him:
I will post a full-sized, full-resolution version soon. This tiny preview is for your amusement. This is the second draft. He’s amazingly good and the only changes we made were my hair colour and changing shoes to skates. We made a slight alteration to the jersey neckline because it’s supposed to be yellow but the shade matched the avatar’s skin, so it was adjusted for practical reasons. I am deeply pleased with the results, and you’ll be seeing more of Yellow Me around. I have been told I look a bit like Ned Flanders in this.
*or 6-7, as I deny the existence of the 2 in accordance with my beliefs that shootouts are bad.